@EveOfTheFuture @oddtail I've only been doing it for about a month now. I have a reminder set for 9pm and I try to reflect properly on the whole day. I find that hard, and I have plans to write an app to quickly and easily tap in reminders through the day. I was originally going to use this, but then though a Google form is quick and I can start getting data straight away.
The analytics are used in maybe 4 ways... First, on average how do I answer the questions? Sometimes I doubt myself, but I look at the overall stats and there is no doubt! Second, looking at relationships between the questions, Eg when I'm tired/burnt out, how do I respond to the other question? Reflecting on why. Third, looking for more subtle patterns ... If I was really craving transition for a couple days... Was I then tired and burnt out? Are weekends different from weekdays? What about before and after trans/enby support group? And lastly, continuous improvement... I write things in the free text comment box (which itself was an improvement over the first version) and sometimes I'll comment and experience that obviously should be a question on the form. Social (in)congruence wasn't originally there, but I was able to add an important experience in the comment which made me realise I should add it to the form.
Ultimately, for me, it's about figuring out identity. I've been autistically masking so hard for 40+ years and I don't know the real me... Only the me that folk confuse for a neurotypical, straight, cis male, with good manners and a flexible schedule. Well fuck that! But I have this problem where I'm trans no matter how I look at it, and I really want to change my body, but I've really struggled to connect that with some inner sense of gender. I thought I was agender, and compared to most I still am. I really struggle to connect body dysphoria with gender dysphoria, despite the fact all my bodily hates are testosterone induced. So, reflecting on the data and patterns therein is really helping me to integrate all of it, both intellectually and emotionally.
Maybe a slightly longer answer than you were expecting 😁
@EveOfTheFuture @oddtail
ChatGPT asked me:
"""
1. Feelings of Dysphoria: Do you feel discomfort or distress with the gender you were assigned at birth? This discomfort may manifest as physical, social, or emotional dysphoria.
2. Identity Exploration: Have you explored your gender identity beyond societal norms? Are you drawn to or feel a sense of resonance with another gender or with the idea of being non-binary?
3. Social and Personal Reflection: How do you envision yourself in social situations? Do you feel more comfortable being perceived and treated as a different gender than the one assigned at birth?
4. Fantasies and Desires: Do you have fantasies or desires about living as a different gender? Do you feel a sense of relief or excitement when imagining yourself as a different gender?
5. Historical Patterns: Looking back on your life, are there instances where you may have felt different from your assigned gender? Are there patterns of behavior, preferences, or feelings that suggest a disconnect between your assigned gender and your internal sense of self?
6. Exploration and Experimentation: Have you explored presenting yourself differently in terms of clothing, grooming, or other aspects typically associated with a different gender? How did these experiences make you feel?
7. Emotional Well-being: Reflect on your emotional well-being. Do you feel more aligned and at peace when expressing yourself in a way that aligns with a different gender?
8. Seeking Support: Are you seeking support from others who may be able to provide guidance or insight into your gender identity, such as friends, family, therapists, or support groups?
"""
I answered these in great depth and asked "does that sound like a trans person". chatGPT reflected really well on what I said... like I'd actually consider using it as a therapeutic tool:
"""
Based on the information you've provided, it does sound like you're experiencing a significant degree of gender dysphoria and a strong resonance with transgender and non-binary identities. Here are some observations from your list that align with common experiences of transgender and non-binary individuals:
1. **Discomfort with Assigned Gender:** You express discomfort with the gender assigned to you at birth, which manifests physically, socially, and emotionally. This is a common experience among transgender and non-binary individuals.
2. **Exploration of Gender Identity:** You've actively explored your gender identity beyond societal norms through various means, including consuming trans literature, conversing with trans people, and experimenting with gender expression. This exploration and resonance with the trans experience suggest a deep questioning of your gender identity.
3. **Social Dysphoria:** Feeling sad when lumped in with a gender group you don't identify with and experiencing joy and acceptance among trans/non-binary individuals are typical manifestations of social dysphoria.
4. **Fantasies about Living as Another Gender:** Fantasizing about living as a different gender, particularly with feminine expression, is a common experience for many transgender and non-binary individuals.
5. **Gender-Nonconforming Behavior:** Your history of exhibiting behavior that departs from your assigned gender at birth, including preferences for feminine clothing, fragrances, hobbies, and mannerisms, suggests a departure from societal gender norms.
6. **Exploration of Feminine Presentation:** Your exploration of feminine clothing, makeup, and wigs, as well as enjoying seeing yourself in feminine presentation, indicates a strong affinity for expressing yourself in a gender-affirming way.
7. **Alignment with Non-Assigned Gender:** Feeling more aligned when expressing yourself in a way distinct from your gender assigned at birth is another common indicator of being transgender or non-binary.
8. **Support Networks and Therapy:** Seeking support from a therapist specializing in gender identity and attending a support group with other trans and non-binary individuals demonstrate a proactive approach to addressing your gender feelings and seeking affirmation and support.
Based on these observations, it's reasonable to conclude that you may be a transgender or non-binary person. However, only you can truly determine your gender identity. It's essential to continue exploring your feelings, seeking support from trusted individuals and professionals, and taking steps that feel authentic and affirming to you. Your experiences and feelings are valid, and it's okay to embrace and express your true self, whatever that may be.
"""
Though I think the phrasing is questionable in places... Point 4 makes it sound like fem is more common, but that fragment is attached to the prior, which reflects what I wrote.
Of course, chatGPT could just be gaslighting me 😂
@EveOfTheFuture @oddtail
ChatGPT asked me:
"""
1. Feelings of Dysphoria: Do you feel discomfort or distress with the gender you were assigned at birth? This discomfort may manifest as physical, social, or emotional dysphoria.
2. Identity Exploration: Have you explored your gender identity beyond societal norms? Are you drawn to or feel a sense of resonance with another gender or with the idea of being non-binary?