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Cheshire (Alicja, Oddtail and Mosse)'s posts Post Back to profile
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Andrew

@oddtail

An interesting and insightgul Toot. Thank you for that.

I have dysphoria, but also longstanding severe body dysmorphic disorder, which leaves me in an odd place wherein my general presentation is not feminine at all, I think (apart from the odd splash of pink here and there).
My goal in life is to attract as little attention as possible when I venture out

11 Aug 2024 at 12:00 | Wall-to-wall | Open on beige.party
4 comments
Cheshire (Alicja, Oddtail and Mosse)

@Shivviness

That's relatable to an extent. And a perfectly OK choice. Sometimes drawing attention is just... bad.

I myself dress/present in a way to draw some attention (both because I'm vain AND because I am aggressively, politically queer)... then get occasional panic attacks when people stare. Go figure xD

11 Aug 2024 at 12:02 | Open on meow.social
Andrew

@oddtail

In a nutshell, I am convinced I am very ugly physically. I have been told I am not, but I I can't shake the belief that I'm hideous.
Were a fairy godmother magically to wave her wand and make me look more female, then I'd take it.
As it stands, however, I think I would look ten times more awful than I presently do were I to make my appearance more feminine.
I've been told by a few people online that unless you transition you aren't trans per se, but I think this is an unhelpful attitude.
I should qualify this by saying I am transfemme, and not fully trans. I think. I notice you are non-binary trans? I previously identified as non-binary, mainly for an easy life.
I appreciate your above thoughts

@oddtail

In a nutshell, I am convinced I am very ugly physically. I have been told I am not, but I I can't shake the belief that I'm hideous.
Were a fairy godmother magically to wave her wand and make me look more female, then I'd take it.
As it stands, however, I think I would look ten times more awful than I presently do were I to make my appearance more feminine.

11 Aug 2024 at 12:07 | Open on beige.party
Cheshire (Alicja, Oddtail and Mosse)

@Shivviness

OK, so a few things:

1) I don't know what you look like, but smart money is not that you would look "ten times more awful". A huge number of transfeminine people think that. They are usually completely wrong. Even ignoring that beauty is a very flimsy concept, dysphoria distorts the way you see yourself and ALSO the way you imagine you could be. I was convinced for a long time that I'd look absolutely atrocious as a woman. I do not. I still have insecurities about my looks, but I accept them... usually.

And since you also have body dysmorphia, that probably compounds your feelings.

Don't trust your brain. It's not necessarily always reliable.

2) People who say transition is a prerequisite to being trans should go choke on an acorn. This is nonsense. I was trans before I started HRT. I was trans before I was diagnosed with dysphoria. I was trans before I knew I was trans. Being trans means your gender and what the world told you your gender is are not in full alignment. Anyone who says "you're not trans because of X" is doing the exact same fucking thing, and they're a gatekeeping liar who's either hateful or ignorant or both.

3) By the same token, there are not "degrees" of transness. This thinking made me think I was not trans because I felt I wasn't trans the way I imagine trans people "have" to be. That's nonsense. There's a million ways to be trans. There's no "a little trans but not really". There can't be. If you don't think you inhabit your gender, you're trans enough. You have my permission to call yourself trans.

(and yes, I am the ultimate arbiter of transness. I voted myself to be one, and I didn't hear any objections.)

@Shivviness

OK, so a few things:

1) I don't know what you look like, but smart money is not that you would look "ten times more awful". A huge number of transfeminine people think that. They are usually completely wrong. Even ignoring that beauty is a very flimsy concept, dysphoria distorts the way you see yourself and ALSO the way you imagine you could be. I was convinced for a long time that I'd look absolutely atrocious as a woman. I do not. I still have insecurities about my looks, but I accept them... usually.

11 Aug 2024 at 12:13 | Open on meow.social
Andrew

@oddtail

Thank you, again. Those are all very helpful insights to my predicament

11 Aug 2024 at 12:17 | Open on beige.party
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