@oddtail this is so important thank you for this.

I think also something that has left me a bit doubtful about me being trans in my early days is that I couldn't exactly define what I was trying to become instead of embracing the process. It was a way for my internalized transphobia to go "well you don't seem to be very 100% on being a trans girl" as well as "well you don't seem to be very 100% on being non-binary". And at some point I went "true, I might not be sure about either of these, but that still means I'm definitely not cis, and starting my transition, both social and medical is something I want to do and I think will help me, so I should stop getting lost in the details and actually do what I can. Fuck gender, I deserve happiness."